T'is the Season

The Christmas season seems to bring out the best and worst in society.

I may offend some of my faithful readers but I detest the whole concept of black Friday. To me it says, "let's interrupt what is to be a weekend of giving thanks and family and instead wake up early so we are grouchy then go spend the day consuming instead of giving thanks and in some cases being rude to other customers instead of enjoying our families." I mean stampedes to the point of death?? Really? What kind of society is this? I see shoppers frantically purchasing things because they feel expected to provide a gift. What happened to spending weeks in thoughtful preparation to show appreciation and admiration? It makes me sad to see how consumer-oriented the holidays are. This year we have the added, dualistic pressures of the recession: money is tighter, yet it is our patriotic duty to stimulate the economy. Sad.

On the other hand, people are so very generous during this time of year. I love to hear of and see people taking care of others. I see people reaching out to make sure children and adults have some kind of gift Christmas morning. Even in the midst of the recession, people give to the food pantry or to their neighbors. I love to see homes opened up to welcome the lonely into the circle of love and friendship and family during the holidays. There seriously is so much good that is done.

It seems that often during the year we think about giving in more global terms. We give to organizations (our church, non-profits, government agencies) but at Christmastime we more often reach out to individuals in our midst. It reminds me of a section in C.S. Lewis's book The Screwtape Letters*, in which Screwtape tells Wormwood, “Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient’s soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary."

I love that at Christmas we show our benevolence in ways that it becomes wholly real. I hope that I extend that reality throughout the year.


*The Screwtape Letters is a fictional account of Screwtape (a devil) training his nephew (Wormwood) in the art of temptation. It is such an insightful and interesting book, I highly recommend it (and pretty much any of Lewis's books).

Magic in the Mist

Location: Niagara Falls

Scene: A Husband and Wife have faced the rain in order to experience Niagara Falls together (she'd been, he hadn't). Their SIL was watching their most adorable one year old and they were enjoying some alone time that DIDN'T include doctors. As they looked over the amazing falls, Phil contemplated the deep mysteries of the earth. Heidi, on the other hand, enjoyed the mixture of mist and rain falling upon her face and hair.










The couple next approached their trusty aqueous vessel, The Maid of the Mist. As they did so, they gleefully held hands. Alone in their bliss, their solitude was abruptly interrupted by an elderly employee of the company who so ably relieved tourists of their funds. We will call this kindly man, "Bob."

Bob: "You know, there is magic in the mist."
Heidi: "huh?"
Bob: "Yes, there are more ions being charged in the middle of that mist than anywhere else on earth."
Phil: "Interesting."
Bob: "That's right, you two just keep holding hands and you'll feel the magic in the mist. You might even feel inclined to get a little more cozy. You might even kiss."
Heidi: "Alrighty then, thanks for the info."

In preparation for the magic in the mist, the couple donned the appropriate attire:












Off they went, resolute, determined, hands held, into the mist.

There was magic in the mist!

the end.

Why I'm Glad I "Settled" for a Furnace Instead of Waiting for a Fireworks Show

Last week I heard an essay on NPR from a single 40-something woman about the possible benefits of "settling" for "Mr. Good Enough." It wasn't as cynical as it might sound. She stated that as she has talked more to her married friends, she has come to realize that marriage is much more like running a small non-profit business (the home) than it is a romantic movie (lets face it, I'm no Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, J-Lo, Reese Witherspoon, or Drew Barrymore).

I AGREE!!!!

Throughout my single thirties, people would either say or imply "you shouldn't be so picky." I tried to explain to them that I didn't think I was all that picky about the man I married. He could be short or tall, thin or chunky, a doctor or a teacher. I just really didn't care much what he looked like or did for a living or any of that stuff. I was, I would continue, VERY picky about the kind of relationship I wanted in a marriage. I needed to have a relationship that included good communication, mutual respect, like-goals, ideas, and ideals. I desired a relationship with a man who promoted laughter and accepted tears.

I remember many conversations with other singles (especially men) where I postulated that "romance" as the movies portrayed it is not only overrated and unlikely, but it isn't really even truly love. I imagined that I would rather have a spouse who chose me instead of having some chemical reaction. What is romantic about chemicals? Most notably were the conversations with ... we'll call him Don Madris ... who was always very surprised and skeptical about my theories. "What about fireworks?" he would ask. "Fireworks are great but they don't last long and often you get burned," I would respond. I wanted something that would last even if it didn't flash.

In sharing my unproven theory, I would often say, "there are four kinds of connection that are important to me: 1-Spiritual, 2-Intellectual, 3-Emotional, and 4-Physical." It seemed to me that the first three on my list were actually harder to come by than the last. I surmised and hoped that if I could find the first three, the last would fall into place.

Two years ago today my theories began to be tested. While Phil and I (abruptly) began to discuss the possibilities of marriage, a friend sent me an email on valentines day, 2006. He had no idea that Phil and I were contemplating the big question (nobody did, we had gone our separate ways and had steered clear of each other for several weeks before the phone call from Phil that changed our lives). This friend told me of his penny test. "You throw a penny into the air and if you can't say 'YES, I want to marry this person!' before the penny hits the floor, you shouldn't do it." PANIC! What was I doing thinking about marrying Phil then? Fortunately, I called Phil and he convinced me to move forward with our discussions (sometimes we actually called them "negotiations" - how romantic is that?). Two weeks later we got engaged. Even during our engagement there were moments of fear and panic. I consider it one of the Lord's tender mercies that we didn't both have those moments at the same time.

Fast forward (although there is a lot to fast forward through) to today. It is Valentines Day. There is a bowl of candy and a plant for me and a teddy bear for Eden that miraculously appeared on our breakfast table. Eden has the flu (the fourth day of a really terrible bug which has required constant holding and comfort). Phil is off to get a haircut and then to teach even though he is starting to feel sick. I feel achey (is it from holding Eden or am I getting sick too?). Nothing to inspire the ooh and ahh of a firework show today. Instead, I have my constant, reliable furnace. He keeps me warm, he gets up with the baby, he deals with my emotions and tears, he laughs with me, he helps me laugh at myself, he talks through the mundane issues of household chores and finances, he helps me try to be a good YW president, he lets me help him sometimes ... the list goes on and on.

If you ask me, I was absolutely right Don Madris! There is something wonderfully romantic about a relationship that works because the two people involved have made a choice to make it so. I'm so glad Phil chose me (and I him) two years ago!

Fireworks: flashy, hot, exciting, sometimes volatile, sometimes burn, can't exist during a storm, colorful, get old - you need to see new ones to elicit the same "ooh and ahh".

Furnaces: constant, warm, reliable, come in different shapes and sizes, reliable even during a storm (if you have your generator), easy to take for granted but immediately missed if not there.