Could you answer my slone please?

Slone?

What is a slone?

That is a question I've had for the past few days as Eden has been calling our phones - slones. What is up? She has been saying phone for months and all of a sudden she is calling it a slone?

I panic.

What if she is having some weird degenerative hearing loss and she is losing language skill instead of gaining it? What if she has some neurological disorder that is making her lose vocabulary instead of build it? What is going on?

I chill. I wait. I observe.

Then this morning the light goes on in my head as Eden is doing a quick inventory of the items in her purse: "make up, suh-l-fone, muh-ny."

Wait! That's it! Then I realize that when she was in the clerk's office at church last night she wanted to use the "phone" she said it correctly. It is a land line. She knows how to say phone. This slone business is her way of saying "cell phone."

Brilliant (not me, it took four days for me to figure it out) Eden!

Metaphorically speaking is like speaking in metaphors.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are headed into a metaphor and suddenly you don't have an ending and so it comes out really lame-o? Or have you read those emails that get forwarded that have lists of silly or bad metaphors from "real English exams ... compiled by AP English teachers"?

Phil and I were laughing about that this morning when he said "My dad buys and sells cars like ... um ... a guy who buys and sells cars a lot."

I followed up with spending the next half hour turning everything I said into a bad metaphor.

So, share your favorite BAD metaphor. Perhaps we'll select our favorite three and then put them on a poll for the rest of you to vote on and then we'll have a really great prize (read: VM CD or crocheted item or our next-born) for the winner.

*I recognize that all of the above examples are similes but I'll accept all forms of metaphor.

Conjunction Junction What's Your Function?

If you want smart kids you gotta raise them right.
You need smart DVDs.
You need School House Rock, duh!

Lately (as in yesterday and today) Eden has been very aware of the conjunction "and."

Last night as I was saying the prayer over dinner she interjected into my thank thees:
"and kitties"
"and doggies"
After I had sufficiently thanked Heavenly Father for these most important mammals she was fine.


Today at the store I was buying a bunch of folders for New Beginnings. These are brightly colored folders. She kept saying:
"I need orange."
"and purple."
"and lellow."


After her nap this afternoon she informed me that she needed to see Corrie (it IS her birthday after all)
"and Erin"
"and Carter, funny" (yeah, Carter is funny!)


For my next trick I will teach her the process of a bill becoming a law...

Baby Words and a little TMI

Eden has begun putting words together. She'll say, "silly hair" when she sees her hair in the morning (for so little hair she gets some serious bedhead sometimes!) or she'll say, "I happy" or "pretty shirt" or whatever. She's actually been doing this for a month or so but usually she has repeated a combination that she's heard us say.

Yesterday she came up with her own descriptive phrase and I must say it is quite impressive. Someone tooted (ok, it was me ... oh come on, you do it too!) and she exclaimed,
"poo-burp!"

Indeed.

Are you a PATRIOT?

I boldly and proudly proclaim that I AM NOT.

What is patriotism? I've given this much thought over the past few weeks as it has become a popular discussion on radio programs as we lead up to the election and Independence Day. The discussion usually goes something like this, "Is it patriotic to leave our troops in harms way?" or "Can one be a patriot and still be critical of the government?" or "The most patriotic thing a citizen can do is to join the dialog and try to help the government improve."

I humbly and respectfully declare that these people are asking the wrong questions. The right question is this: "Can a lover of democracy possibly be patriotic?" or this, "Should a democracy even ask her citizens to be patriots?"

Let's examine the word "patriot" for a moment. It comes from the Latin prefix "Patr" which refers to "father." We see it in words such as "patriarch" and "paternal." I therefore see two things wrong with our country asking for patriotic citizens.

1. We are a democracy (a republican democracy to be sure, but still a democracy). Therefore it should not be about the "father" or the head of our country. Our allegiance should be to the brotherhood (or sisterhood if you prefer). Shouldn't then, we be asking our citizens to be fratriots (or sorortriots if you prefer)?

2. Let's allow that we aren't referring to any one figure head but to our country as a united whole. Fine, but don't we usually refer to the United States as a female? "Proudly SHE stands," we must protect "her" in times of war, etc. Therefore, even if we believe that our allegiance should be to the collective "one" - meaning our country - shouldn't we ask our citizens to be matriots?

"Patriot" seems to only refer to one scenario and that is that we are declaring our allegiance to the male-dominated bureaucracy which has taken over our democratic republic. It is this kind of "patriotism" that made it impossible for Hillary to assume her rightful place as the Matriarch of this land (ok, now I've gone too far...)

And there you go. Call me a fratriot or sorortriot. You can even call me a matriot. But please, don't call me a patriot. It just makes no sense.


******Please note: the preceding commentary does not necessarily reflect the views of this blog and is meant to humor Dr. Nick and others. Do not send hate-comments. Thanks.******