Update

I am sitting in Phil's office.

He is molding young minds.

He's also in the middle (well, the beginning of the middle) of a treatment so he is on drugs.

He can't be trusted to drive.

But he can be trusted to mold young minds?

I'm the chauffeur.

His class is three hours long.

We live a half hour away and so I am waiting.

I'm supposed to be working on my YW lesson.

I'm blogging.

Shame, shame.

Projects Update

Bathroom: same status as last post. The OTHER bathroom is in severe need of attention. It is getting all the use and none of the attention. I should really clean it tonight.

Dress: everything is done except the zipper and hem. She looks beautiful in it. Yesterday we went shopping and she got new shoes, a necklace/earrings set, and an uplifting undergarment. Clinton Kelly would be so proud. I hate zippers though. Guess what I'll be doing at midnight while Phil can't sleep?

72 Hour Kits: I bought a new backpack with wheels. It doesn't all fit into it. I have sorted the stuff into boxes: Phil, Heidi, Eden. I need another backpack with wheels. Maybe two. Is it cruel to expect Eden to haul her own survival gear?

Laundry: Resumed its position of prominence but although washed, it hasn't been folded. Guess what I'll be doing before midnight? I can't stand to have laundry unfolded over night (Phil, on the other hand, can't stand to have unfolded laundry for more than five minutes. He's a good man to put up with me and my laundry wrinkles.)

Roof: done by 3:00 that day! Yeah, those guys are finishers! I should learn from them. It looks great.

Other upcoming events:

Saturday morning: the Laurels and a few of their prom friends are coming for a waffle party. Phil is a nice, supportive guy to let me invite (actually they invited themselves) a bunch of teens into the house on the last day of his treatment.

Saturday afternoon: unhook Phil from his poison and pull out the needle. I'm such a good nurse.

Saturday evening: drive to B'ham for YW training followed by a stake YW activity followed by the YW General Broadcast. Of course the laurels will all be at prom but those beehives better get their little skinny bods there!

Sunday: teach a lesson about patriarchal blessings. This isn't in the manual but we decided to reserve fifth Sunday lessons for topics that we feel impressed our girls need. I'm not sure what the beehives are going to be learning about but the laurels are going to be learning about planning for the future now, including the importance of patriarchal blessings.

It is such a good thing that our lives are fairly busy. If I had time, I bet I'd be throwing myself pity parties. Phil's CEA was up again. We seem to be having a steady (slow) climb here. CT scan in a couple of weeks. That should give us some more info with which to work. Yeah, too busy for pity parties. That is a blessing and truly one of the tender mercies I count.

Why LDS Temples?

Ever wonder why Mormons have temples? Here is a very good explanation.




For me, attending the temple is a way to feel some solemnity. It is a way to reconnect with spiritual things such as peace, patience, brotherly kindness, and an eternal perspective. At the temple, I am reminded how much each of us is a son or daughter of God and that He loves us. I am reminded that I have a personal Savior in Jesus Christ. It is a happy experience. It is a deeply personal experience. I am thankful for temples.

T'is the Season

The Christmas season seems to bring out the best and worst in society.

I may offend some of my faithful readers but I detest the whole concept of black Friday. To me it says, "let's interrupt what is to be a weekend of giving thanks and family and instead wake up early so we are grouchy then go spend the day consuming instead of giving thanks and in some cases being rude to other customers instead of enjoying our families." I mean stampedes to the point of death?? Really? What kind of society is this? I see shoppers frantically purchasing things because they feel expected to provide a gift. What happened to spending weeks in thoughtful preparation to show appreciation and admiration? It makes me sad to see how consumer-oriented the holidays are. This year we have the added, dualistic pressures of the recession: money is tighter, yet it is our patriotic duty to stimulate the economy. Sad.

On the other hand, people are so very generous during this time of year. I love to hear of and see people taking care of others. I see people reaching out to make sure children and adults have some kind of gift Christmas morning. Even in the midst of the recession, people give to the food pantry or to their neighbors. I love to see homes opened up to welcome the lonely into the circle of love and friendship and family during the holidays. There seriously is so much good that is done.

It seems that often during the year we think about giving in more global terms. We give to organizations (our church, non-profits, government agencies) but at Christmastime we more often reach out to individuals in our midst. It reminds me of a section in C.S. Lewis's book The Screwtape Letters*, in which Screwtape tells Wormwood, “Do what you will, there is going to be some benevolence, as well as some malice, in your patient’s soul. The great thing is to direct the malice to his immediate neighbours whom he meets every day and to thrust his benevolence out to the remote circumference, to people he does not know. The malice thus becomes wholly real and the benevolence largely imaginary."

I love that at Christmas we show our benevolence in ways that it becomes wholly real. I hope that I extend that reality throughout the year.


*The Screwtape Letters is a fictional account of Screwtape (a devil) training his nephew (Wormwood) in the art of temptation. It is such an insightful and interesting book, I highly recommend it (and pretty much any of Lewis's books).

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!

I love this time of year.

Cool, crisp air.
Crunchy leaves.
Good food and smells and friends.
Nostalgia.

Putting up Christmas decorations.
Christmas music.
Excitement and anticipation.

Think: simplify, it doesn't have to be crazy.
Give thoughtfully, not spendily.
Find the joy and happiness.
Reflect. Rejoice. Repent.

Be grateful.

Random Pictures

Before:After:

Presents:
Balloons:

Master bathroom (we actually got a sink-counter-top combo). The one we had before had been painted and the paint was peeling off. It was disgusting!
One of the sinks in the hall bathroom (the other one is the same). The sinks we had before were rusted and corroded. Disgusting!
New kitchen sink - ooh shiny!

Random Stuff

We had a great week with mom and dad Kesler. Phil and dad put in all new sinks throughout our house! (believe me, we NEEDED them!) They look so nice. (I'll post pictures below). In a wonderful, surprising little twist, we learned while doing this that the disgusting wallpaper in our master bath would just peel right off. It took us, literally, fifteen minutes to remove the paper (and I have lived with that stuff for 2 years in fear of how hard it would be to take it down!). We also got to go visit dad's cousin near Montgomery. It was fun to travel to a new place in our state and Rick and Carolyn (the cousins) are really nice people. Who knows, maybe we'll run into them in the temple. A benefit of having them here is that dad was able to assist in setting Phil apart as the 1st Counselor in our Branch Presidency. He was called just before he flew to Utah and then sustained en absentia (he was on an airplane flying home from a crazy VM weekend in Cache Valley).

Sunday (May 27) was a most momentous day! Eden turned one! She was so cute. I let her open a present before church because it was a dress. She didn't really understand tissue paper, but once I removed the paper and she saw her new dress in the bag she became very excited and (of course) exclaimed, "priitee!" She was such a good girl during church (of course she was thrilled to have Grandpa K there - he is one of her favorite people). I thought she might have a problem seeing Phil (on the stand) but not being able to go to him but she was fine (probably because of grandpa - we'll see how this week goes). She went with grandpa to the High Priest group and he said she sat there with great reverence and was a "perfect baby." (Phil is over the YW - lucky him - so he joined me in there.) When we got home we had dinner and, of course, cake. She examined the cupcake and stuck her finger in the frosting. She kept looking over at me as if to say, "is this really ok with you? " Finally she was convinced that she wasn't going to get a "no-no" and she had a blast eating some of the cake and smearing the rest of it all over herself. She didn't really understand unwrapping presents but she sure enjoyed playing with them after they were unwrapped. It was a fun, low-key, first birthday.

Yesterday Eden had her one-year check up. She is 29 inches (50%) and 18 lbs (small for her height but the doctor said she looks healthy and that "fat isn't a good indicator of health!"). She is a "perfect baby" according to her doctor. He always offers to buy her from us (he probably says that to all the parents). Thinking she was over the weight limit (20 lbs) we had turned her carseat forward on her birthday. I guess we need to turn it back. Oh well.

I'm doing well. We had a really good activity last night at YWs. It was on Divine Nature. You know how you plan something, put a lot of work into it, and then wonder if anyone will show and if they do, if they will have an enriching experience? Well, I spent a fair amount of time on this and started to feel cynical yesterday afternoon that it wouldn't be well attended or appreciated. It was so nice to hear from a few of the girls that they really appreciated it. One mother has even contacted me and shared that her daughter couldn't quit talking about it. Yippee!!! We had a fairly good turn out too! I just have to remember that there will always be valleys and peaks and to appreciate these highs. I teach this Sunday so now my focus switches to that lesson. I think it will be fun to have Phil be the counselor over YW. He already helps me tons so he knows the program and appreciates the purpose.

Our irises are finally starting to bloom (about 2 weeks after the others in the neighborhood). I planted some basil seeds in a little pot and have put it in our kitchen bay window. I have two tiny sprouts. This is a major accomplishment for me - nothing like green on my thumb! I love fresh basil so I hope this works out. It may be the extent of my "garden" this year. :)

Well, this post has been longer than I expected so I'll end now.

we are ... Fabulous, Grateful, Wonderful, Ecstatic!

Phil is now 7 weeks post-op and he received his CEA* results yesterday:

2.6!!!!
("normal" is anything below 3 for a non-smoker)

We are so grateful for this fabulous news. So many of our friends and family have been so prayerful for Phil. Our nieces and nephews have been especially diligent and fervent in their prayers. One nephew has prayed in each prayer that (1) Phil would not have cancer anymore, (2) Phil will get better, and (3) any future surgeries Phil may have to have will go well (he is 4).

We will meet with Phil's oncologist a week from tomorrow and will make some decisions about possible follow-up chemotherapy.

The Keslers are HAPPY, happy people!

*The carcinoembryonic antigen (CEA) test measures the amount of a protein that may appear in the blood of some people who have certain kinds of cancers, especially large intestine (colon and rectal) cancer. It is one of the indicators used to follow up with cancer patients. This and the fact that Phil's PET and CT scans look good, combine for very good news.

Phil's CEA has been as high as around 200 and was at 77 the last time it was taken (Feb.)

Joy in Nurturing

In this month's Ensign there is a great article entitled "The Joy of Nurturing Children." In it, three different women share their experiences in nurturing children - their own and others. I really enjoyed this article. I was especially touched by the last woman's account of longing and hoping to give birth to a child even as she adopted eight others. She had a crisis of faith because her patriarchal blessing stated that she would have children. Finally she confessed to the Lord and to herself (sometimes I think that is the harder of the two) that her testimony did not hinge on this one point. She CHOSE to believe the gospel even though she didn't understand how her patriarchal blessing could be fulfilled. (I really believe that faith is a choice - and active, at times difficult, choice.)

I think so many of us have experienced similar trials of faith. It is so hard for me at times to remember that my perspective is so finite while the Lord's blessings are infinite. I think that if I can't see the whole picture right now, then it certainly can't work out. I am humbled and inspired when the Spirit teaches me to trust in the Lord's plan for me. It is motivating to remember that He has always come through for me - every time without fail. Sometimes I must have the faith to believe (as Shadrach, Meschach, and Abednego did) that the Lord will provide a way but to also say (as they did) "but if not..." (Daniel 3:17-18). I am inspired by that. They had faith that they would be saved but they also recognized with humility that the Lord's work and truth are absolute and not dependent on any one situation turning out the way WE think it should.

I'm so grateful that the Lord affords me the opportunity to keep learning and progressing even in my weakness and pride.

If you haven't read the article yet, I highly recommend it!

The Gratitude Journal

In our front room on a small table resides a book. It is there for all to read and even write in if they choose (although no non-Kesler has so chosen yet). The things written in the book are not in an organized or chronological order. Sometimes they are written at an angle, sometimes vertically; sometimes in red, sometimes in black (I don't think we have any other colors yet). Usually the entries aren't long or thoughty. Often they are just a word or two. It is our Gratitude Journal.

Here are some randomly selected entries:

"Cool, cotton sheets" - phil 10/12/07

"Honesty" - hjk 1/15/08

"My wife will hold my hand in good and hard times" - 1/17/07 (we can safely assume this is phil although it wasn't signed)

"SNOW in AL!" - heidi 1/16/08

"a perfect baby-Eden" - phil 11/12/07
"a perfect baby" - hjk 11/12/07 (this was the date of her 6 month check up and the doctor said, in his Antonio Bandera-voice, "oh, mommy, she is perrrfect")

"Eden's hugs" - hjk 11/8/07

"The Spirit of inspiration and personal revelation" - Heidi Jo 11/10/07

"Zofran that dissolves on your tongue" - phil 10/19/07
"Amen to that!" -hjk 10/21/07

"Post chemo Sunday pizza" - pak 10/4/07

"NPR" - hjk 9/27/07

"a good roof in the rain" - phil 11/14/07

Well, I think that will be it for now. What would you add to our little book?

Seasons

It is actually finally starting to appear and feel like fall around here. Some of the leaves are changing (last fall was absolutely beautiful - rivaled New England) and the temperatures are cooler (although we are still hitting the 80s in the late afternoon). I LOVE fall. I actually really enjoy each of the seasons but there is something magical for me about both fall and spring.

This is a picture of our backyard a couple of weeks ago. Many of the leaves have since dropped. This makes our deck a big heap'o leaves, twigs, acorns, and pecan shells. Of course the squirrels love it.

This morning I watched as a squirrel tried to wrestle a twig - about 2 feet long - up the tree to add to her nest. She did quite the dance with the twig and for a moment I thought she had won but alas, the twig remains on the deck. The squirrels are fat from all the nuts they've eaten (as evidenced by the shells carelessly tossed onto our deck). They are such funny little critters.

In the spring (which came at the end of January last year), the daffodils will greet me. The former owners of our house must have loved bulbs because we have daffodils and irises and day lilies galore! Summer is a little less wonderful to me but I still love the magic of summer with the kids that suddenly appear as if from nowhere. I love the sounds of children playing in the streets (I wish more kids did that these days - I wish it was more safe for them to do that).

Of course winter is wonderful and I'm so grateful that we get to experience a few weeks of winter in Utah each year. I love the feeling of sitting by a fire, sipping hot chocolate, and reading or snuggling as the snow falls outside. Cozy is just the right word for it! (this is actually a picture of the snowstorm we got stuck in on our way home to 'bama last December - I think this is Albuquerque)

I've been thinking about other seasons lately too. The seasons of my life. Sometimes when I read about the lives of some of my single friends like this one or my friends who don't have kids yet, like this one, I think, "what am I doing with my life?" I wonder if I am developing my skills and talents. Then I recall that I am changing diapers, singing songs, loving and (I hope) encouraging my husband, making meals, buying groceries, cleaning the house (although not often enough), and so forth. I am also learning some new things along the way. Most significantly, I'm learning about faith, service (on the receiving end as well as the giving), and friendship. I enjoy this season of my life. I hope that I utilized my time in prior seasons in a good way. I hope I served and developed talents and enjoyed unique experiences. I don't think I wasted too much time pining away for another season. I hope not. Now another season is upon me and I hope I don't long for those days of "self development" too much and instead enjoy this season.

Of course, the real miracle of the seasons is that without the buds you would never have the blooms and if the leaves didn't fall new buds couldn't develop. Each season depends on the ones before. They also prepare the way for the ones to come. Enjoy the seasons - Eccl. 3: 1 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven."

Grateful

I'm a big believer in the power of gratitude. When I focus on those things for which I am grateful it is so much easier to be happy and positive than when I forget those things. At various times in my life, I have made lists or kept records (journals) of things for which I am grateful. Right now, Phil and I have a family gratitude book. It is fun to write in it and it is fun to read through it.

Here are some of the things for which I am grateful:

1. My patient, kind husband who has great faith.
2. Rain!
   
3. The power of the priesthood in my home and the peace and hope that come from receiving priesthood blessings.
4. My Toyota Matrix (I'll be even more grateful in December when we are done making payments).
5. My darling daughter who smiles - even when she's crying - and who gives the best hugs.