Clap my hands and shout for joy

Phil was gone all of last week. He was in Utah, Wyoming, Idaho singing with Voice Male. It is so good to have him home. Eden really missed him. At one point she started crying and saying, "I sad, I sad, I sad." When I asked her why, she replied in a soft, thoughtful voice, "I miss my daddy." We talked to him several times every day and she loved that. She was such a good girl while he was gone.

So was I (mostly). I had three goals while he was gone:

1. Surprise him by painting our bedroom.
1a. Only paint while Eden slept - to not sacrifice being an attentive mom just to get my project done.
2. Keep the dishes done (he is the dish do-er and so when he is gone, I tend to let them build up).
3. Be a happy, supportive little warrior and not complain when we talked on the phone.

Here is how I did:

1. I got the bedroom painted but I ran into some questions about which paint went where and so I ended up telling him so I could make sure it was done to is aesthetic satisfaction. We had planned on doing it two-toned but I messed up and put the wrong color on top. That is when I told him and we decided to just do the whole thing in that color (kind of a dark sage/moss green). I really like it and think it is better than it would have been if I had done it correctly. Nikki (one of the YW in our branch) came over and helped one day, that was great.

1a. I did paint for about 20 minutes after she woke up from her nap on Friday. I was nearly done with the walls and so she watched Leap Frog's Alphabet Factory (she knows most of her alphabet by sound and sight these days!) while I finished up.

2. There was one night that I went to bed with dishes in the sink but other than that, I kept up on the dishes.

3. I was a total whiner on Wednesday but I did well the rest of the week. Glad I could repent of Wednesday. I didn't whine that he was gone, just about other stuff (mostly the paint color mix up).

Now he is home and we are very, very glad. Last night I suggested that the two wrapped gifts in the corner could be seen as "welcome home" gifts instead of father's day gifts. He didn't require much convincing (is that because he knows me so well and figured protesting would be fruitless or does he like opening presents early as much as I do?). He really liked his gifts (I'll do another post about those - probably on a Tutorial Tuesday post). We also made him a fun banner that said, "Welcome Home Dad" and served him one of his favorite meals.

I'm so glad when daddy comes home glad as I can be. Clap my hands and shout for joy place Eden on his knee. Put my arms around his neck hug him tight like this. Pat his cheek and give him what? A GREAT BIG KISS!

Cold is as cold does... or does not

I went to the store the other night and NO ONE else was there. I couldn't figure out why until I realized the temperature was in the 30s. People stay home here when it is that cold. Yesterday, was a beautiful day. Sunshine, blue skies, and again in the 30s. It was the kind of February day that would bring great rejoicing and even some shorts in Logan, Utah but in 'bama it was a "stay-inside" day. Not for our little girl though. She was quite determined to play outside. We bundled her up and went into our yard.



We also made "slime" for the first time. At first she wasn't sure what to do with it. She kept saying, "boogers, boogers." Eventually, she decided it was quite fun.
On Saturday night we had the Thorntons and Baugards (the other members of the branch presidency) over for a night of family bonding. I love the look on Eden's face in this picture.
Someday this will be a good blackmail picture to show Eden and Trey how infatuated they were with each other. Look how they are gazing into each other's eyes.
This picture is for Charlotte. Not to make you jealous but to make you happy. When the inversion gets too crazy, just pretend this is outside your window.
Phil and his brothers are having a contest (of sorts) to see what fun movie characters they can each create out of a Mr. Potato Head. This is Phil's submission, the Cowardly Lion from The Wizard of Oz. Yeah, my man is cool, creative, and clever.

Metaphorically speaking is like speaking in metaphors.

Have you ever had one of those moments when you are headed into a metaphor and suddenly you don't have an ending and so it comes out really lame-o? Or have you read those emails that get forwarded that have lists of silly or bad metaphors from "real English exams ... compiled by AP English teachers"?

Phil and I were laughing about that this morning when he said "My dad buys and sells cars like ... um ... a guy who buys and sells cars a lot."

I followed up with spending the next half hour turning everything I said into a bad metaphor.

So, share your favorite BAD metaphor. Perhaps we'll select our favorite three and then put them on a poll for the rest of you to vote on and then we'll have a really great prize (read: VM CD or crocheted item or our next-born) for the winner.

*I recognize that all of the above examples are similes but I'll accept all forms of metaphor.

Pretty good with color...

When Charlotte and I first met Phil, she and he made a deal. She would crochet him an afghan and he would paint her a picture. He got to choose (and buy) the yarn and pattern and she got to suggest a subject. Charlotte said she wanted a yellow umbrella featured prominently in her painting. He selected a manly, heavy pattern and then was off to the store to select yarn. I got to go with to be his assistant.

Standing in front of the vast array of yarn possibilities the following conversation took place:

Heidi: "So what are we looking for here?"

Phil: "I need three different yarns."

Heidi: "What about these, or these, or these?"

Phil: "I just need your help selecting the type of yarn, I'm pretty good with color so I can handle that part."

He selected a nice burgundy, blue, and gray. We have a great, heavy, manly afghan as a result. Charlotte has a Phil Kesler original hanging on her office wall (I think it is still there) featuring a rainy street corner with a bright yellow umbrella. What a deal!

Flash forward about ten years when Phil and I got married. We bought a house that needed to be updated. We nearly got a divorce while trying to select the colors for the walls. I just had to remember that although Phil IS the artist and professor, I'm pretty good with color too. Eventually we agreed on our color palette and we quite enjoy the colors in our home.

Now flash forward two and a half more years to this very morning. As I was getting Eden dressed (in her purple turtleneck and purple sweater) she exclaimed, "purple shirt!" I hadn't told her it was purple (today). She also knows blue, green, yellow, red (although she sometimes calls it "Elmo color"), and orange.

Yeah, she could proclaim: "I'm pretty good with color!"

She is. He is. I am. We are.

Leaves, leaves everywhere

This is what we (meaning mostly my diligent, hard-working husband) did the day before Thanksgiving. We have SERIOUS leaves!

Oh What a Day!

Thursday night Eden just couldn't settle down. We'd spent the afternoon having Thanksgiving dinner with our friends the Dewsnups. Eden loves these people (as do I). Seriously, Eden often prefers Corrie (and she says her name so well and cute) rather than mommy. She likes to watch football with Brian (the dad) and plays with all of the kids. It is so fun for her to have such good friends. Anyway, she was quite excited and when we got home she just didn't want to settle down. Finally around 9 I convinced her she had to try. For the next hour we heard content-but-not-tired noises coming from her room. They sounded like this:

"Corrie, Corrie, Corrie"
"all done, all done, all done, all done"
"kitty, doggy, kitty, doggy, kitty, doggy"
"night-night"
etc.

until 10:30!

You'd think she would sleep in but that is where you'd be wrong. At 7:am she was up and ready to go! She took a pretty good nap in the morning (a rare thing these days) but didn't take an afternoon nap. By evening she was irrational, cranky, and trying the patience of her parents.

At dinner she wanted a "cookie, cookie, cookie" and didn't want to eat good food. She dropped her bowl of chowder on the rug. She poured her water all over the table. She attempted to dump her yogurt all over but I had put it in a container with a lid and straw (sometimes I'm smart). Finally she ate some yogurt, about 8 raisins, sucked the juice out of a tangerine, and had a pumpkin cookie (does that count as a vegetable?).

Next it was off to the bath. I made the comment to Phil that it was brave of me to bathe her right after she had raisins. Yeah, I'm dumb sometimes. Sure enough just as I was getting the towel she relieved herself in the tub.

Poor Phil, he got to clean up all the messes (the chowder, water, and poo).

It was good to say goodnight to her.

more...

I am writing this from the infusion clinic. Yup, we are back at it. This time one of the five drugs will be different (bigger chance of hair loss - how fun?). We remain extremely hopeful and place our trust in the blessings of the Lord.

Prayers accepted and appreciated.

My hubby is definitely a USU Alumnus, and he is distinguished, but is he really young?

This year for Utah State University's Homecoming, the six men who make up Voice Male were honored to be the Young Alumni of the Year. I got to go along for the festivities and it was great fun. We were treated pretty well with a fancy banquet (at which Phil gave a very nice "acceptance" speech-ette). Then we got to dance the night away (I think we made it about 45 minutes). The best was watching Phil's parents - they know how to dance, none of the awkward move back and forth junk we were doing! After that, Phil and I took a walk across campus. I was sad, the place I had spent most of my time while a student (the library - and now you know, I was/am a nerd) is now a soccer field. Sad.

The next day we got up and went to a nice breakfast. While the president of the Alumni Association was speaking, Eden walked up in front of the podium and lifted her shirt for everyone to see. My mom later confessed that while she was babysitting Friday night, she told Eden that she had the smallest, cutest belly button. Naturally Eden figured everyone would want to see the "smallest, cutest belly button!"

After breakfast we were off to the parade. My mom, brother (Josh), sister (Emily) and her husband (Todd) and daughters (Brinley and Emma) joined Eden and I. Voice Male was in the parade - naturally!.

After the parade we were off to the president's pre-game reception. A live band, more good food, and lots of sunshine greeted us. Then we were up three floors to the president's box to watch the football game.

It was nice being connected to a "dignitary" (even if VM isn't always exactly dignified). For more accounts of this fabulous weekend see here, here, and here. It was so much fun to see the other VM families. It really is kinda like another family.

So here (in reverse order because it doesn't matter how many times I load pictures, I can't seem to remember that the first shall be last and the last shall be first, when will I learn my Isaiah scriptures????) are some pictures of the festivities:

The view from the Prez's box:

Our little Aggie

Me, Eden, Mom, Emily, Emma at the parade:

The "distinguished" and "young" Alums:

Boogie Night and stuff

Saturday night Phil and I got to represent our branch at the 5-stake dance in B'ham. At first I wasn't really too thrilled about it but it turned out to be a really fun night. None of our YW went but three YM went with us. They were so cute and funny on the drives to and fro. I had them each practice asking a girl to dance and it was cute to hear their favorite "lines." We all agreed that just being straight forward was probably the way to go. We stopped at Hardees (their choice) for dinner on the way there.

Once there, the boys went their way (but would check back with us with comments like "did you see me dancing with that girl?" or "I was so nice, I said 'yes' to a girl when she asked me to dance." or "did you see/hear me singing that Spice Girls song?" so cute). Phil and I were in charge of the refreshment table (just keeping it stocked).

When we weren't mixing punch or filling up plates with cookies, we danced! It was so much fun to dance with my hunny. We are so totally ready to hit the dance floor at USU's Homecoming Dance this Friday. Oh yeah!

It turned out to be a fun "date" with my man. The boys were just as silly - nay, sillier - on the way home. One of them said, "well, you were funny on the way so we get to be funny on the way home." Fair enough.

Charlotte (one of my counselors) watched Eden for us. She was also watching her grandson who is about the same age so they had a nice time playing together and then Charlotte brought her home to go to bed.

Sunday was good. Eden was such a chatterbox during Sacrament meeting. I couldn't get her to quit her running commentary on all that was going on. In other Eden-news, she has started saying "ahnkoo" (thank you) whenever we do anything for her. It is so adorable. We hadn't tried to teach her that and it is a little less clear than most of her words are so I hadn't realized that is what she was saying until Phil pointed it out to me. She is just so fun and funny.

I have a good life!

From NED to ED or is it PED? Either way, we miss NED!

Phil had his first post-chemo CT scan and CEA today. The news is mixed. The CEA was down a point (yay!) but the CT scan showed "several" millimeter-sized nodules in his left lung (well, what is left of his left lung). Is it cancer? Is it a bacterial infection? Is it some strange thing that we'll never know? The plan is to go back in five weeks and have more CT and CEA. The CEA has been a really accurate indicator in the past so the fact that it is down would seem to indicate it isn't likely to be cancer but you never know.

To celebrate this roller coaster ride we've been on we are headed to Six Flags over Atlanta tomorrow. It is what Phil wanted to do to celebrate the end of Chemo. So we're going by golly!

NED: no evidence of disease
ED: evidence of disease
PED: possible evidence of disease

Picture-palooza!

This is my new favorite picture. Aren't they just so cute?

This one is pretty cute too
(aren't they doing a good job of listening to conference?)

Lately the tongue comes out when we tell her to smile, funny.

This one has been cropped for modesty's sake.
After her bath she needed a horsey ride, of course!

"I Sad"

Eden loves having a professor-daddy ... during the summer (when he is home lots and lots). She is realizing it isn't quite as fun during the fall (when he is gone lots and lots).

She loves her daddy so, so much. They have their own ways of playing - different than the way I play with her. He is willing to take her into our bug-invested backyard to swing much more often than I am (but I walk 3 miles with her to swing at the community center!). They water the ferns and pick up branches and sticks together. Between his calling and his teaching schedule, she gets to see him about an hour a day during the week and she is noticing.

Last night after a long day of church and meetings (she did get to go to Priesthood with him) he left to go do some home teaching. It was time for a bath and bedtime anyway but when he left she began to cry. Then she said her first "sentence" - "I sad, daddy bye-bye."

December will come soon little girl and then daddy won't be bye-bye quite so much.

Sleepy Pants

Now I know that there are many creative-crafty people who read this blog. Like this one and this one and then there is this one (and many others). But I just had to show my latest creation to y'all.

The other night Phil was doing a "photo shoot" of miniature toys for the cover/liner notes for the new CD (Kid Stuff - if you haven't heard). So it is about 9:00 pm and he has set up a "photo studio" on our dining room table. On it he has various items that correlate with the various songs on the CD. We then realize that he needs a pair of jammie bottoms (or sleepy pants). Where would we find a miniature pair of sleepy pants?

I pulled out the leftover fabric from this costume (I made this for my costume box before we got married). Here it is being fashionably modeled by my indulging husband (this was just before our first Halloween as a married couple, he DID NOT wear this on Halloween but he very reluctantly tried it on to humor me - it is sized for an 8-10 year old - it TOTALLY humored me).

Back to the original story ... I got the leftover fabric, made a pattern, cut out the fabric, did some sewing, made a draw string out of some embroidery thread I had, ironed them (yes I even ironed!), and voila! Aren't they cute? (they are about 2 inches tall)
I'm hoping that the Voice Male guys will let me sew them all sleepy pants for the CD release concert. Wouldn't they all be oh, so cute? LOL

Yeah, I married well

Just in case you needed more proof that I married an absolutely fabulous man...

Today Eden and I had a play date. We'd invited five other mom's and eight other kids over to play and for lunch. I had planned to make soup and bread. The kids were going to play with the dress ups and outside in our large backyard (if the weather was good). Well, hurricane-turned-storm-system Fay had made a mess of our deck and backyard (tons of branches and twigs down and leaves everywhere).

Phil did the dishes last night (as he does every night) and made sure to fill up my flour and sugar bins. Before bed he informed me that "I've set the dishwasher to run tonight so everything will be clean for you tomorrow. Your pots and pans are all clean." As if that wasn't enough, he got up this morning and cleaned off the deck and made the backyard safe for kids.

Am I a fortunate, blessed woman or what?

oh, and the play date was a blast! Thanks, ladies.

Tag from last February!

Last February my friend Sally tagged me on her blog. The problem is, I didn't know she had a blog (she probably told me and I forgot or something). Anyway, now I know and so here is the tag:

• How long have you been married? 2 years
• Who eats more sweets? Probably me but it is close.
• Who said I love you first? Phil, although I coerced him to "express his feelings"
• How old is he? 40 - and a dang good looking 40 year old at that!
  
• Who is taller? Phil (by 8 inches)
• Who is smarter? He says I am but I think he is - we are smart in different ways so I'm amazed by his smarts and he's impressed by mine. That works out pretty well!
• Who can sing better? ummm, that would be Mr. VM although Eden prefers my singing.
  
• Who does the laundry? Me.
• Who pays the bills? He.
• Who sleeps on the right side of the bed? He does and that puts him closer to the Bambino's room and therefore closer to a baby crying in the night (on those nights when that happens).
• Who mows the lawn? Totally him (I'm allergic).
• Who cooks dinner? Me but he does the dishes.
• Who drives? He does unless he is on some drug that makes him impaired, even then he drives if I forget to make him sit in the passenger seat.
• Who kissed who first? It was pretty mutual, he brought it up though.
• Who asked who out? Well first he asked Charlotte out! Then he asked me out.
• Who has more siblings? Me, I have 9; he has 5.
• Who wears the pants? We both wear the pants (both literally and figuratively).

Now I tag Alisha, Corrie, and Delvonna

Mixed Results

We met with the Oncologist (in record time too) and the results are a little mixed but mostly good - we are very grateful.

This is his last treatment - that is good.

His CEA is slightly up, to 4.7 (from 3.4), but seeing as how it was in the 180s at one point we're being told not to worry. We missed a treatment when our flight got delayed coming home from NY. I can't help but wonder if that is why it is up a bit and if so, what does that mean?

The game plan is to come back in six weeks for tests (CT scan and blood). As long as things remain stable (slightly elevated CEA is ok as long as it doesn't make a drastic turn upward), he will have these tests every three months for a year and then every four months for the next year and then every six months. At five years they will declare him "cured." We're looking forward to that! The Bambino will be in first grade!

I asked the oncologist how to define what stage he is in now. The answer is "no evidence of disease" Phil calls it "NED." We'll take NED. According to the web this is the same thing as "complete remission." We like the sound of that.

So, although I would love to see that CEA headed downward and hanging out at around 1, we'll count our blessings and increase our faith, and come back in six weeks.

Tomorrow's a Big Day

We head to B'ham tomorrow for more blood tests, oncologist appointment, and chemo. If everything looks good with his CEA it will be his last. We recognize that we have been so blessed in both large and small ways. Sometimes I feel so ungrateful but then I wonder if there is ever a way to feel grateful enough. It is like the people of King Benjamin in Mosiah 5 who realize that they are forever indebted, even for the air to breathe, to their Father in Heaven.

One of the small (but is any blessing really small?) blessings is that Eden was so young when this happened. She has been such a good baby to allow others to care for her. She still is but she is also becoming increasingly attached to her parents. I realized as I put her to bed tonight that I wouldn't see her again until we are home tomorrow evening. That makes us both sad. I am so grateful for the good women who will be caring for her tomorrow.

Stay tuned, I'll probably blog some from the clinic. If the CEA is good there will be much exultation and if it is bad, I will try to have faith and blog positive things anyway. Y'all can help me find ways to do that.

Thanks, friends.

Magic in the Mist

Location: Niagara Falls

Scene: A Husband and Wife have faced the rain in order to experience Niagara Falls together (she'd been, he hadn't). Their SIL was watching their most adorable one year old and they were enjoying some alone time that DIDN'T include doctors. As they looked over the amazing falls, Phil contemplated the deep mysteries of the earth. Heidi, on the other hand, enjoyed the mixture of mist and rain falling upon her face and hair.










The couple next approached their trusty aqueous vessel, The Maid of the Mist. As they did so, they gleefully held hands. Alone in their bliss, their solitude was abruptly interrupted by an elderly employee of the company who so ably relieved tourists of their funds. We will call this kindly man, "Bob."

Bob: "You know, there is magic in the mist."
Heidi: "huh?"
Bob: "Yes, there are more ions being charged in the middle of that mist than anywhere else on earth."
Phil: "Interesting."
Bob: "That's right, you two just keep holding hands and you'll feel the magic in the mist. You might even feel inclined to get a little more cozy. You might even kiss."
Heidi: "Alrighty then, thanks for the info."

In preparation for the magic in the mist, the couple donned the appropriate attire:












Off they went, resolute, determined, hands held, into the mist.

There was magic in the mist!

the end.

A Birthday Never to be Forgotten...

I am somewhat known for planning great birthday celebrations for those closest to me (see here for one such opinion). In fact, Phil often lists "a thoughtful giver" among the qualities he most appreciates in me. So, imagine my horror when I realized that in booking our flights to NY (for a Design Conference - a whole week of typography bliss! more on this later) I booked our return flight on Phil's birthday. Not just any birthday either, but the big 4-0! Yup, I did. How would I turn this into something better than terrible? I got him some nice gifts and incrementally dished them out (which he pretends to hate but I think he likes early gifts just as much as anyone - as long as there are still gifts left on the actual day!). I asked my friend, Alisha (and her able helpers: Bayley, Kendal, and Trey) to decorate our house and leave a cake so that when we got home at 10pm there would be a ready-made birthday waiting. This could be saved, right?

I gave Alisha the key, the balloons and streamers, the cake mix and frosting, and the "4-0" candles. The day we left I made sure to unlock the storm door in the front. I was pretty excited that this was going to be a fun surprise for Phil (and save my reputation).

Wednesday, July 23, arrived and I received a phone message that basically went like this:

"Heidi, hi, this is Alisha. We are at the house and ... well ...
the storm doors are both locked. Is there another way in?
We can't really decorate without getting in and
we can't get in because the storm doors are locked."

Dang! My thorough husband did one last walk-through and re-locked the storm door.

I admitted to Phil that I was defeated and a failure at adequately celebrating his big day. We laughed. Then it happened...

Our flight was delayed. There was no way we'd make our connecting flight. After several hours in the Rochester Airport we were given the assurance that we would be on a 6am direct flight to Atlanta. We were given a voucher for a night at the Holiday Inn (actually a very nice room!) and 4 $5 food vouchers*. As luck would have it, our luggage was able to make its way to Detroit and then Atlanta, unlike us. Therefore, we didn't have any of our clothing, toiletries, scriptures**, or the like. Therefore, Phil spent the evening of his birthday washing clothes in the sink and then drying them with an iron***.

Thursday we awoke at 4am (ah, 5 hours of blissful sleep) to catch our 6am flight. Imagine our frustration when we were informed that we had not been booked (actually Phil had, I hadn't) after all. Oh, and by the way, there are no open flights out today. Did I mention that we were trying to get back so that Phil could meet with the Oncologist and have a chemo treatment? Yeah. So after some tense moments (in which I got a little cranky - not yelling, just cranky - with an airline employee) we were sent to another airline. They got us on a flight to Detroit and then on to Atlanta. We missed the doctor stuff (still trying to figure all that out because it isn't a good thing to be off schedule). Eden was AWESOME (I'll do another post about all the cute things she did).

We're home now. Alisha and the kids decorated the door. There is a cake in the oven. Phil has opened his gifts. He gets a weekend without chemo (perhaps the best gift of all). The pressure is totally off for next year. I no longer have to live up to the perception that I am a great celebrator of birthdays. He'll probably be happy if I just don't book a flight on his big day.

Happy Birthday Phil - at least you got a poem from Char! :)

Phil's chocolate and PB cake (I used PB to "decorate" the cake - quick thinking I'd say).

Phil opening his presents (the ones that were still unopened on his b'day)



*these had to be used in the airport. We couldn't go over the $5 on any purchase (so we couldn't buy something for $5.23 and give them a voucher and a quarter) and there was no change back if we bought something for under $5. It is an interesting puzzle to figure out what to buy that will come closest to $5 without going over (it was like the Price is Right or something!).

**hooray for lds.org - we were still able to have scripture reading!

***Char and I learned this trick when our luggage was "lost" (we knew where it was the whole time, just the airline didn't) for several days on a trip to NYC.

Food Friday - Egg Gravy

Ok, some of you are totally repulsed just by the name of this post. Others may be intrigued. Those of you who have tasted it are saying "Right on! I need this recipe!"

This is a Beck family favorite (especially my dad) but tends to be somewhat polarizing among newcomers to the family. Phil thinks it is pretty good and it has become the standard first breakfast after each chemo treatment. (Eden really likes it too - but not the egg whites, just the yolks for her!)

And without further delay, here is the recipe:

Hard boil three eggs (five minutes in rolling/boiling water)
In a medium sauce pan, melt 2 T butter then add 1/3 C flour and mix until you have a paste. Add 2-3 C milk (depending on how thick you like your gravy). Simmer/cook until thick (usually about 3-5 minutes). You've just made a white sauce! (wonderful for so many things)

Cut the eggs into bite-sized pieces and put them in the gravy. Salt and pepper to taste.

Serve over toast or biscuits.