Saturday, August 18, 2007


Tonight as I sat rocking my sweet Eden (and not wanting to lay her down quite yet), I pondered about how much I just didn't know before I became a mother. I thought about the times I was a royal brat to my own mother. I had no idea how much she loved me, sacrificed for me, cared for me, and worried for me. I just didn't know. Now it kills me to think that someday (all too soon), Eden will be a teen or a tween and will say any number of the following: "You just don't love me!" "You don't understand." "I don't love you." "You're mean!" etc. It will KILL me!

Motherhood is HARD! There is just no way to comprehend the sacrifice (whether it is sleep, or ice cream, or free time, or whatever!) and the concern (is she breathing? is she developing correctly? am I doing this right?). This afternoon Eden seems to have had a bad tummy ache (she has acid reflux) and she was crying in obvious pain. I seriously hurt with her. It is impossible to comprehend this kind of love until you've actually experienced it.

I wonder how I can ever repay my own mother. How can I ever apologize enough for the bratty things I did and said as a thoughtless teen? How can I repay her for the sleepless nights (and not just when I was an infant) or the numerous prayers in my behalf? The truth is that I can't. The other truth is that regardless of my behavior my mother continued, and continues, to love me with the same (and yet more developed and perfected) love that I am just now coming to understand.

Motherhood is amazing!

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